It is likely not news to you that masturbation was once considered a deviant practice, “a heinous sin of self-pollution (1,2).” Masturbation to this day continues to have a taboo undertone.. Maybe you yourself have some discomfort around the practice based on sexual normalcies you were exposed to throughout your life. I could spend an entire article discussing the gendered assumptions surrounding the self practice alone. But, I am hopeful this is changing with current research demonstrating that there is no differences noted in the negative attitudes towards masturbation between men and women (4). Whether that is true for you or not, I want to explore the fact that masturbation is a healthy part of our sexual lives.
There are many ways to masturbate but as an umbrella definition it is self-stimulation to achieve sexual pleasure. It could be enjoyed alone or mutually with a partner. You could use a hand or a toy. It could have the goal of orgasm or not. There are no rules.
Understanding Arousal and Orgasm: The Journey to Pleasure
In 1966, Masters and Johnson began studying a cisgendered male and female having intercourse to further understand the sexual response cycle. This was revolutionary work for its time that we could say sparked the debate of sexual response that is still happening today. Though this is not the exact terminology they used, it went something like this. You got aroused, you eventually had an orgasm, and then you go back to your resting state - end of pleasure (5). This theory and the theories that came after this for decades to come suggested a step-by-step linear progression to orgasm. It placed orgasm as the star of the show, and frankly, ignores the journey there.
Staging: A Newer User Friendly Model
A newer theory known as staging encompasses the journey to orgasm and doesn’t stop there. In this model, you could start and end anywhere you want and orgasm doesn’t have to be the star. Think about these different stages and how they could assist with enhancing your own self-pleasure. This approach could be used both during partnered sex and solo masturbation.
Build desire and set the mood, or jump right in.
During warm-up you want to turn the focus on pleasure. This is a stage of temporary selfishness. Focus on the now feeling not the end stage. It doesn’t matter if you orgasm or not, just enjoy it. This stage is often moved through quickly, but experiment and take your time here. There should be no pressure. Time is not important here, don’t rush yourself. The clitoris is filling with blood and becoming more sensitive (6).
There are different techniques that people like to use to build to orgasm. Learn your style. This will not only help you pleasure yourself more but help you to be able to give a partner feedback on what you like. Masturbate and pay attention to what feels good to you. The warm-up, build up and approach can include touch through clothing, indirect clitoris stimulation, direct clitoral stimulation, or any other forms of satisfying touch (6).
On the approach to orgasm, two thirds of women prefer consistency. This means nothing changes. Same pressure, same stroke, same speed, until orgasm is achieved. 1 in 10 women do not achieve orgasm (6). This does not mean you cannot have a pleasurable experience. Remember the saying: it's about the journey not the destination. Staying in the high intensities of pleasure is deeply satisfying with or without orgasm (6).
At orgasm the clitoris tissue is filled with blood is more sensitive and this can be a great opportunity to rebuild and repeat, or stop.
Using a Toy
It is your preference whether you choose to use a toy or not to masturbate. Toys can be a great addition to your solo sex life for new experiences, new pleasures, and enhanced pleasure.
Tips for buying pleasure products:
If you’re new to sex toys start simple
If you have never used a sex toy, I recommend starting with a simple toy whether it is a dildo, vibrator, or butt plug. This will give you the opportunity to learn how to use it, what you like, and maybe even what you want to buy next! There is a great beginner friendly section on the website here. This is a great place to start.
Choose a body safe product
Make sure the product you are purchasing is body safe. Avoid toys that are made of rubber, PVC, and vinyl as they often could contain materials that could irritates the genitals. Look instead for products made of silicone, stainless steel, and borosilicate glass.
Pick a toy that speaks to you
Pick a toy that you like. Maybe you like the color, the shape, or how you use it. Buy something that you are excited to use.
Whether you are new to masturbation or not there is so much to explore. As you learn more, you will gain a better understanding of sexual self knowledge (4). And although the relationship between solitary play and partnered play is complex and its current understanding continually changes, the research currently concludes that the alignment of masturbation techniques and activities with partnered sexual activities contributed to reports of better sex (3). This includes being more likely to have an orgasm and having a better orgasm during partnered sex (3). So in conclusion, once you learn what you like, teach your partner, so you could have better solo and partnered pleasure.
Happy Exploring!
If you want to learn more on how to masturbate, I highly recommend checking out omgyes.com
All content copyright Ariel Zablocki
References:
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Kosenko O, Steger F. Masturbation as a Cause of "Sexual Neurasthenia": Anton Chekhov's Medical Report (1883). J Nerv Ment Dis. 2022 Sep 1;210(9):697-701. doi: 10.1097/NMD.0000000000001522. Epub 2022 Mar 29. PMID: 35350038. 2. Whorton, J. (2001). The solitary vice: The superstition that masturbation could cause mental illness. Western Journal of Medicine, 175(1), 66–68. https://doi.org/10.1136/ewjm.175.1.66
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David L. Rowland, Krisztina Hevesi, Gabrielle R. Conway, Tiffany N. Kolba, Relationship Between Masturbation and Partnered Sex in Women: Does the Former Facilitate, Inhibit, or Not Affect the Latter?, The Journal of Sexual Medicine, Volume 17, Issue 1, January 2020, Pages 37–47, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jsxm.2019.10.012
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Cervilla, O., & Sierra, J. C. (2022). Masturbation parameters related to orgasm satisfaction in sexual relationships: Differences between men and women. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 13. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyt.2022.903361 Masters and Johnson Human Sexual Response Cycle
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Masters, W., & Johnson, V. (1966). Human Sexual Response. Little, Brown and Company.
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Groundbreaking research into what feels good and why. OMGYES. (n.d.). Retrieved April 1, 2023, from https:// www.omgyes.com/en/members/staging
