Most birthing people are cleared to return to intercourse by their obstetric provider at their 6 week follow-up appointment. While this may be exciting to some, it could bring on hesitancy for others.
The transition into parenthood brings on changes that may impact both your desire and
experience of sex for both you and your partner.Body concerns, decreased sleep, priority on baby, not enough time, not wanting more touch, uncertainty of pain, just not interested or ready may change your desire for intercourse and are all normal and okay.
Here are some tips for returning to penetrative intercourse following delivery of your baby, for both vaginal and cesarean births.
There is no rush on returning to sex
Return to sex when you are ready whether that is 6 weeks, 6 months, or a year. There is no correct timeline.
Sex is more than penetration.
Sex does not have to include penetration or anything being put into the vagina.
Talk with your partner prior
Talk with your partner on your definition of sex and what you are comfortable and not
comfortable with. This could include but, of course, is not limited to non-genital touch,
snuggling, kissing, only touch on the outside of the vagina, self masturbation or mutual
masturbation.
Consider the following talking points with your partner prior to intercourse if it is helpful:
I am comfortable with...
I am nervous about...
I only want...
I want to stop if...
It is important for me to...
Starting with outercourse, sex on the outside of the vagina, could be a great way to begin intimacy again as it gives you time to explore what feels okay in your body. Remember all of these could be solo or with your partner.
Does touch feel like too much to start? Intimacy does not have to include touch. It could be spending time in the same space, providing space to your partner to shower, saying “I love you,” a kind gesture. Feeling close and love for and from your partner may be the most important part of intimacy for you right now.
Start slow
Take your time and go slow before penetration and during penetration.
Though time may be limited, try not to skip the foreplay to increase your arousal. Arousal is a vascular event, meaning blood flow is coming into the clitoris and surrounding tissue to become erect, just like a penis does. This helps to lengthen and widen the vagina in
preparation for penetration (3).
If you have pain or other unwanted sensations, it is okay to discontinue what you are doing and either stop or try something different. During intercourse, take time to stop, redirect, and talk about what you are feeling.
It is common for your vagina to feel different at first.
You body is still healing and changing after the delivery of your baby for a minimum of 7
months (1). It is common for people to report decreased sexual satisfaction and orgasm
initially. There may be some pain. If you return to intercourse and notice your vagina or clitoris just doesn’t feel the same, take note that your tissue, muscles, and connective tissues are working to heal.
I want to be clear that though these are common symptoms immediately postpartum this is not your new normal. Talk to your provider about these symptoms and seek further help if needed.
Use lubricant
You might notice that postpartum your vagina is more dry than you are typically used to. This is from hormonal changes and may continue through breastfeeding.
Lubricant is a must. Oil-based or silicone-based lubricants are great to help with glide as they last long and keep the vagina friction-free. There are some important restrictions. Silicone lubricants cannot be used with any silicone based toys and oil-based lubricants cannot be used with latex condoms.
A water based lubricant may also be an option for you. These tend to absorb more quickly and you may need to reapply multiple times. Be sure to check your product to make sure it is pH neutral and has a low osmolality to protect your vaginal skin.
You may find it helpful to talk with your partner after a sexual experience, kind of like a debrief. Give yourself time to process what you felt and develop strategies for next time.
Consider the following talking points with your partner if it helpful:
It felt good when...
I had discomfort or pain when...
I was nervous about...
Next time I would like to...
Lets do......again!
The majority of postpartum people do not discuss their sexual health concerns with their
providers until after one year postpartum (2). If you are experiencing any unwanted symptoms at any point postpartum, you are not alone and there is help. Start by talking to your provider as soon as you experience them and consider a referral to pelvic health physical therapy to support you in your recovery.
